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Thanks for the best wishes, folks. Amanda and I are back from our first anniversary extravaganza, and the results of the tests are in!
Concerned readers will be glad to hear that Dr. George W. Crane considers us both "Very Superior" in our husbandly and wifely roles. There is, however, room for improvement.
Dr. Crane came down sharply on me for using alcohol and failing to properly put away my clothes. Being too much of a book worm and not giving Amanda an allowance also hurt my score. I'll clearly have to work on my manliness, as being neither handy about the house nor particularly courageous, and having no interest in athletics, were considered detrimental to my role as a parent and husband. Most serious, of course, is my utter failure to regularly attend church or to urge the kids to go to Sunday school.
Amanda, meanwhile, is reconsidering her drinking and smoking habits, not to mention squeezing the toothpaste at the top. As for walking around the house in stockinged feet, that barely ranks against not having meals on time, forgetting her seamstressing and ironing duties, and failing to belong to any women's organisations. Those who were at our wedding will be unsurprised to learn that she was docked a point for forgetting to praise marriage "before young women contemplating it." Sadly, she too has joined me in the naughty corner for neglecting her spiritual obligations to the family. Because that's what it's all about, isn’t it?
As to whether either of us "reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress"--well, some things must remain in the bedroom.
Concerned readers will be glad to hear that Dr. George W. Crane considers us both "Very Superior" in our husbandly and wifely roles. There is, however, room for improvement.
Dr. Crane came down sharply on me for using alcohol and failing to properly put away my clothes. Being too much of a book worm and not giving Amanda an allowance also hurt my score. I'll clearly have to work on my manliness, as being neither handy about the house nor particularly courageous, and having no interest in athletics, were considered detrimental to my role as a parent and husband. Most serious, of course, is my utter failure to regularly attend church or to urge the kids to go to Sunday school.
Amanda, meanwhile, is reconsidering her drinking and smoking habits, not to mention squeezing the toothpaste at the top. As for walking around the house in stockinged feet, that barely ranks against not having meals on time, forgetting her seamstressing and ironing duties, and failing to belong to any women's organisations. Those who were at our wedding will be unsurprised to learn that she was docked a point for forgetting to praise marriage "before young women contemplating it." Sadly, she too has joined me in the naughty corner for neglecting her spiritual obligations to the family. Because that's what it's all about, isn’t it?
As to whether either of us "reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress"--well, some things must remain in the bedroom.
